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Thursday, August 21, 2008 #

缘定三生

緣定三生 Titanic 鐵達尼號

再生缘 林俊杰 江南


 

缘定三生,就是前生在姻缘簿上写下了彼此,三生石上定下了这一段金玉良缘。今生相遇、相知、相伴到老。来生,茫茫人海中依旧能够寻觅到彼此,再续前世未尽的情缘。只此三生,但每一生都会完满幸福即使生活贫苦,依然能够拥有执着而真诚的挚爱。

佛说,前世的五百次回眸方能换得今生的擦肩而过。相遇即是有缘。只不知,前世素不相识的彼此之间有多少个真诚的回眸,才能换得三生三世注定不变的情缘?

在人群之中脚步匆忙,那不经意间的一瞥,那浅浅的一抹微笑,却在彼此之间深深烙下了印记。冥冥之中,月老的红线有了光芒。执子之手,与子偕老。当身边的人依旧匆匆,惟有彼此相视而笑,紧握着手,紧贴着心,相互搀扶,幸福地走过下半生的风风雨雨。然后生命终了,却又在黄泉之下等着对方,要依偎着,相伴走过奈何桥。三世的缘分已经用去了三分之一。

第二世。人群之中,很轻易的,在形形色色完全陌生的面孔之中,依凭着残存的那一点前世的记忆,认出了那一张魂梦相牵的笑靥,那一双三世不变的明眸。这一世是快乐与甜蜜的。在山水之间,在时空之间,一根小小的红线,轻轻地将两人的心越拉越近,继续着前生未尽的情缘。时光流逝,两颗炽热的心渐渐透明,仿佛水晶,被彼此深深地读懂,真切地读透。带着幸福的微笑,独自缓步走在黄泉路上,因为知道,身后的人不久就会赶上来,一起走向下一个人生。殊不知,三世的缘分,而今只剩下了最后的三分之一。

第三世。寻觅了许久,终于在一个夕阳绚烂的傍晚,又一次从人群中找到了心底最熟悉的烙印,重新拾起了那份注定三世的情缘。这一世是平淡温馨的。因为心灵深处早已刻下了对方的一切,所以彼此之间不需要太多的言语,一个眼神、一滴泪水、一抹笑容,都能读出好多好多。尽管这一世聊的都是家长里短,可那一根红线,那两颗彼此深爱着的心,早已熔为一体,注定今生再也分不开了。

posted @ 12:28 AM | Feedback (0)

爱情与忠诚

I Believe in you-Celine Dion & Il divo

Il Divo ♥ Amor Venme A Buscar ♥

 

"The Man You Love"- Il Divo
 
忠诚,只有两个字的一个词,但是所包含的要求却多得不得了。严格说来,如果一个人想达到绝对的忠诚,就至少得做到:对婚姻忠诚,也对爱情忠诚;对妻子(老公)忠诚,也对所爱的人忠诚;对别人忠诚,也对自己忠诚。
说来好像以上要求只要逐条做到,便万事大吉,可问题是:在现实生活中,以上几个需要忠诚的对象,经常是势不两立、水火不相容、有我没他的对立关系。 你爱的不是妻子(老公),但是放弃了爱人,与妻子(老公)继续生活,那么你对家庭忠诚,可对爱的人不忠诚,对爱情不忠诚。你看见喜欢的人不敢行动,回到家里去陪老婆(老公),那么你对妻子(老公)忠诚,对家庭忠诚,可是对自己不忠诚。而如果你想对自己忠诚,对爱情忠诚,那么一定是搞到家庭破裂,老婆(老公)受到重创。
想要八面忠诚,永远忠诚,这简直不是一个凡人力所能及的。 所以你得有所选择。你不可能绝对地忠诚,你只能有所忠诚,有所不忠诚。对自己忠诚,可以活得坦白不累;对家庭忠诚,可以觉得自己肯牺牲很伟大;对爱情忠诚,也许让所有人都痛不欲生,但是这其中怀有崇高的信念。怎样都好,怎样都无可厚非,怎样都会失去一些东西,放弃一些东西。全看你自己了。
你对什么忠诚,这是每个人都要问自己,也要问所爱对方的一个大问题。搞清楚这一点,比发现几次对方的不忠诚行为更具深远意义。因为爱是大方向,内心的真相才是我们所关心的。捉奸在床毕竟只是一种表象。 关于忠诚这个话题,现实而有用的要求不应该是"你要完全忠诚,永远忠诚",而是"亮出你的忠诚护照"。亮出你的忠诚护照,我也亮出我的,让我们看看对方的心,是在想什么,选择了什么去忠诚,打算以怎样的态度对待爱情与人生。看看我们的护照,是不是能够获准,进入对方的感情国境。

女人觉得忠诚是爱,男人觉得忠诚是责任,所以女人在爱的时候忠诚,男人在背着责任的时候忠诚。可忠诚这事儿不保险,因为世事难料,爱是会变的,责任心也是会变的。一旦不忠诚了,事儿可大可小,是忽略不计,还是撼动根基,全凭个人感觉和彼此的了解程度。

男女说了“我爱你”,结了婚,就是签了合同,忠诚是这合同中的一款,你得遵守,要不然就是违约。忠诚,是个像九年制初等教育一样的义务。逃学便是不对。 忠诚也是个温度计,一时降温可能是股小寒流,过两天就转暖,可要是持续低温,越来越冷,大概就是冬天到了,得赶紧准备防寒,或者干脆另搬到暖和的地方去。 谁都在向对方要忠诚,谁也不想对别人不忠诚,但是不忠事件依然夜以继日地发生着,把好的搞坏,把平静的搞混。当事人自己不是痛苦就是狼狈。

为什么会这样?因为忠诚是个道德要求,说到底,它和人性的高尚面儿有共鸣,可和人性的缺陷面儿有抵触。人都是平常人,谁能坚持一直高尚、永远绷住劲儿、不放纵自己的缺陷?忠诚是理性,不忠诚是人性。人性虽然真实不装假,但是也伤人,不光是在忠诚这个问题上。 不管怎么说,忠诚问题在家庭和爱情中,只是许多问题中的一个。做到忠诚,不一定是爱就是幸福,不忠诚的行为,也不一定就是绝对的背叛。忠诚是两性关系中的一个必要不充分条件。

忠诚好比流感,你只能预防,却不能保证自己绝对不被传染,更不要说彻底杜绝这病毒。所以,别让自己太累了,别把自己困死在这个问题里走不出来。爱是存在的,爱也是多变的,你只能尽人事以达天命。不忠诚的伤害虽免不了,但是也并非全都致命。用温柔冷静的平常心去对人对己,那么至少,你可以做到对人对己,问心无愧。

posted @ 12:24 AM | Feedback (0)

How To Keep Falling More And More In Love

Cane and Lily Say "I Love You" 4/9/08

We all know it is pretty easy to fall in love. The rush of passion and connection you feel with the other person makes it impossible to stop yourself if you are truly falling. But How can you nurture the relationship and let it heal, support and enliven you instead of letting the pressures of life stress out both people involved pushing you further apart?


FIND THINGS YOU BOTH LOVE AND TAKE THE TIME TO DO THEM

In the dating process you must have come up with TONS of things you loved to do with the other person. Times and interests change. Make sure you have things that you can still do and know you will enjoy together. like playing games, listening to audio books, long walks, dancing and long talks. It ensured we got out, reconnected and weren't just passing lists to each other as we ran into the other person sporadically during the crazy work week. No matter how nuts the week would seem, on "date night" all was well with the world and we allowed ourselves to fall even more in love and reconnect.

"Date night" does not have to be about going out and spending money on dinner. It is about the two of you reconnecting. We have had date nights where we brought sandwiches to the local park and had a picnic. We have had date nights where it was too cold and we locked ourselves in a room with music playing Wherever it is does not matter -- it is making that time to set aside and spend with each other that is important.

DON'T GO TO BED ANGRY

Try and talk out your differences calmly and in the moment. If you are really upset, take a "time out" and go for a walk or sit down and write. You can write or say in your head the reasons you are upset and examine them a bit. That way when you do talk about the reasons for your anger they are clear in your mind. Be sure to examine them and see if they really justify you being as upset as you are or if there are other things you are letting influence you and possibly exaggerate how you are feeling (a "bad" day perhaps?). Then write out a list of what you LOVE about your significant other. I know, "Yeah right -- when I'm mad there's no WAY I could do that". That is what I thought and I used to storm off to write about how angry I was. Yes, it let off some steam but it never helped the situation. Writing about the things you love about your partner and concentrating on all they DO for you and how good they make you feel alleviates some of the anger and will actually make you smile. When you approach a disagreement it is best to be in the moment. Speak clearly so there can be no misunderstandings and don't dredge out last year's fight. Look into each others eyes and let the person know you are upset but you want the conversation to end with some kind of agreement. It is okay sometimes to agree to disagree. You and your mate are not carbon copies of each other and how boring it would be if you were! Do not be afraid to say "I am sorry" or "I forgive you". These three word phrases will bring you closer than ever before!

REALIZE LIFE DOES NOT ALWAYS GO AS PLANNED

There is a reason when you take the oath of marriage it is in sickness AND IN health, for richer OR poorer, etc. Life changes all the time and you and your partner have made a commitment to be there for each other. Let the hard times draw you closer instead of rip you apart. COMMUNICATE with each other. Share your fears, doubts and concerns with your mate. Be a best friend and treat them as you would treat any other best friend. For some reason a lot of people dump all their negative feelings on their significant other and treat them as they would never ever dream of treating a friend. This is not acceptable. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. If someone is going through a particularly difficult time it is time to be nurturing and ask how you can help -- not insult them and make them feel worse.


There will times when you need to be stronger and there are times when you will need that extra consideration and kindness. No one wants to feel "stuck" or to doubt themselves or to be sick or depressed. The most important thing is to let your loved one know that you are there for them no matter what and to ask how and if you can help. Try looking at whatever situation and coming up with reasons WHY it happened and how you can both come out of the event stronger for it.

COMMUNICATE

I mentioned this above in "don't go to bed angry" and in "realize life is not always perfect" but it is important all the time. How was the month? What was GREAT? What are we looking forward to? How ARE you? What do we need to change? What are our goals?

Everything moves so fast nowadays and it is easy to misunderstand the person if you are half-listening or are not clearly forming and articulating your thoughts. If you need something from the other person don't make them guess or figure it out -- explain it and make sure you are on the same page. If need be, write it down. It is a simple way to avoid disagreements later on.

HUGS AND KISSES AND "I LOVE YOU"

It seems so simple but again when life is moving fast it is easy to sometimes forget the little things that mean so much. As humans we crave touch. Touch can relieve stress and tell the other person you love them without saying it. Think about the last time you hugged a good friend you hadn't seen in a while and how good that felt. There should be moments like that with your partner all the time.

A couple that gets out of the habit of hugs and touching can experience doubt in how the other person feels and it sometimes can make the next hug seem further out of reach. We all CRAVE touch from loved ones and if you are holding back because you think your partner might not want to be touched - don't. If you are really hesitant -- ask them for one -- I am sure they will open their arms wide.

Saying "I love you" is also important in good times and in bad. It is three words but it helps to let the person know that you do care and you do feel love for them -- no matter what.

HONESTY IS ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY

This one seems like a given but I know it is one that a lot of couples struggle with. There are people I have come across that hide credit cards, friendships and even some that hide addictions from one another. There is NEVER a good reason to hide things from your loved one. Firstly, doesn't lying seem like an awful lot of effort? I don't know about you but I have a hard time just keeping the facts of everything that is really going on straight in my head sometimes.

Lies usually come out in the end and there are always repercussions. Lies distance you from the one you are supposed to be sharing your life with and add to stress. If you have been dishonest with a loved one, the best policy is to tell them as soon as you can and own up to it and take responsibility before it comes back to bite you. If you are on the receiving end and your partner comes to you to open up and tell you about a lie the best policy is to let them know how you feel (hurt, etc) but to commend them on their honesty. It might take you a while to forgive them but if you think about the alternative way you might have found out -- it will make the forgiving easier.

DO NOT INSULT AND BE SURE TO SHOW GRATITUDE

I mentioned a gratitude list for your loved one above and it is good not only to make one when you are upset but at any time. Be sure to tell your partner what you appreciate about them. Send out positive messages on how you feel about them. Use your words carefully and say "thank you" even it they did something you felt they SHOULD be doing. I don't know many people that LOVE taking out the garbage or some of the other household tasks but somehow these are not things that get recognized often. If someone doesn't do something you expected and wanted them to do -- talk to them kindly and request it instead of making an off-handed negative comment. These little things contribute to how someone perceives the relationship. Treat your significant other like your best friend -- they are after all, aren't they?

These are what I believe to be the top tips for staying in love. I would like to hear some more ways that you have seen yourself or others stay in love for a long time. There is no better feeling in the world!

posted @ 12:21 AM | Feedback (0)