Thursday, August 21, 2008
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Cane and Lily Say "I Love You" 4/9/08
We all know it is pretty easy to fall in love. The rush of passion and connection you feel with the other person makes it impossible to stop yourself if you are truly falling. But How can you nurture the relationship and let it heal, support and enliven you instead of letting the pressures of life stress out both people involved pushing you further apart?
FIND THINGS YOU BOTH LOVE AND TAKE THE TIME TO DO THEM
In the dating process you must have come up with TONS of things you loved to do with the other person. Times and interests change. Make sure you have things that you can still do and know you will enjoy together. like playing games, listening to audio books, long walks, dancing and long talks. It ensured we got out, reconnected and weren't just passing lists to each other as we ran into the other person sporadically during the crazy work week. No matter how nuts the week would seem, on "date night" all was well with the world and we allowed ourselves to fall even more in love and reconnect.
"Date night" does not have to be about going out and spending money on dinner. It is about the two of you reconnecting. We have had date nights where we brought sandwiches to the local park and had a picnic. We have had date nights where it was too cold and we locked ourselves in a room with music playing Wherever it is does not matter -- it is making that time to set aside and spend with each other that is important.
DON'T GO TO BED ANGRY
Try and talk out your differences calmly and in the moment. If you are really upset, take a "time out" and go for a walk or sit down and write. You can write or say in your head the reasons you are upset and examine them a bit. That way when you do talk about the reasons for your anger they are clear in your mind. Be sure to examine them and see if they really justify you being as upset as you are or if there are other things you are letting influence you and possibly exaggerate how you are feeling (a "bad" day perhaps?). Then write out a list of what you LOVE about your significant other. I know, "Yeah right -- when I'm mad there's no WAY I could do that". That is what I thought and I used to storm off to write about how angry I was. Yes, it let off some steam but it never helped the situation. Writing about the things you love about your partner and concentrating on all they DO for you and how good they make you feel alleviates some of the anger and will actually make you smile. When you approach a disagreement it is best to be in the moment. Speak clearly so there can be no misunderstandings and don't dredge out last year's fight. Look into each others eyes and let the person know you are upset but you want the conversation to end with some kind of agreement. It is okay sometimes to agree to disagree. You and your mate are not carbon copies of each other and how boring it would be if you were! Do not be afraid to say "I am sorry" or "I forgive you". These three word phrases will bring you closer than ever before!
REALIZE LIFE DOES NOT ALWAYS GO AS PLANNED
There is a reason when you take the oath of marriage it is in sickness AND IN health, for richer OR poorer, etc. Life changes all the time and you and your partner have made a commitment to be there for each other. Let the hard times draw you closer instead of rip you apart. COMMUNICATE with each other. Share your fears, doubts and concerns with your mate. Be a best friend and treat them as you would treat any other best friend. For some reason a lot of people dump all their negative feelings on their significant other and treat them as they would never ever dream of treating a friend. This is not acceptable. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. If someone is going through a particularly difficult time it is time to be nurturing and ask how you can help -- not insult them and make them feel worse.
There will times when you need to be stronger and there are times when you will need that extra consideration and kindness. No one wants to feel "stuck" or to doubt themselves or to be sick or depressed. The most important thing is to let your loved one know that you are there for them no matter what and to ask how and if you can help. Try looking at whatever situation and coming up with reasons WHY it happened and how you can both come out of the event stronger for it.
COMMUNICATE
I mentioned this above in "don't go to bed angry" and in "realize life is not always perfect" but it is important all the time. How was the month? What was GREAT? What are we looking forward to? How ARE you? What do we need to change? What are our goals?
Everything moves so fast nowadays and it is easy to misunderstand the person if you are half-listening or are not clearly forming and articulating your thoughts. If you need something from the other person don't make them guess or figure it out -- explain it and make sure you are on the same page. If need be, write it down. It is a simple way to avoid disagreements later on.
HUGS AND KISSES AND "I LOVE YOU"
It seems so simple but again when life is moving fast it is easy to sometimes forget the little things that mean so much. As humans we crave touch. Touch can relieve stress and tell the other person you love them without saying it. Think about the last time you hugged a good friend you hadn't seen in a while and how good that felt. There should be moments like that with your partner all the time.
A couple that gets out of the habit of hugs and touching can experience doubt in how the other person feels and it sometimes can make the next hug seem further out of reach. We all CRAVE touch from loved ones and if you are holding back because you think your partner might not want to be touched - don't. If you are really hesitant -- ask them for one -- I am sure they will open their arms wide.
Saying "I love you" is also important in good times and in bad. It is three words but it helps to let the person know that you do care and you do feel love for them -- no matter what.
HONESTY IS ALWAYS THE BEST POLICY
This one seems like a given but I know it is one that a lot of couples struggle with. There are people I have come across that hide credit cards, friendships and even some that hide addictions from one another. There is NEVER a good reason to hide things from your loved one. Firstly, doesn't lying seem like an awful lot of effort? I don't know about you but I have a hard time just keeping the facts of everything that is really going on straight in my head sometimes.
Lies usually come out in the end and there are always repercussions. Lies distance you from the one you are supposed to be sharing your life with and add to stress. If you have been dishonest with a loved one, the best policy is to tell them as soon as you can and own up to it and take responsibility before it comes back to bite you. If you are on the receiving end and your partner comes to you to open up and tell you about a lie the best policy is to let them know how you feel (hurt, etc) but to commend them on their honesty. It might take you a while to forgive them but if you think about the alternative way you might have found out -- it will make the forgiving easier.
DO NOT INSULT AND BE SURE TO SHOW GRATITUDE
I mentioned a gratitude list for your loved one above and it is good not only to make one when you are upset but at any time. Be sure to tell your partner what you appreciate about them. Send out positive messages on how you feel about them. Use your words carefully and say "thank you" even it they did something you felt they SHOULD be doing. I don't know many people that LOVE taking out the garbage or some of the other household tasks but somehow these are not things that get recognized often. If someone doesn't do something you expected and wanted them to do -- talk to them kindly and request it instead of making an off-handed negative comment. These little things contribute to how someone perceives the relationship. Treat your significant other like your best friend -- they are after all, aren't they?
These are what I believe to be the top tips for staying in love. I would like to hear some more ways that you have seen yourself or others stay in love for a long time. There is no better feeling in the world!
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Wednesday, August 13, 2008
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陶喆 就是爱你
我相信，你是我前世的知己。
那个夏夜，我们重逢于虚幻的时空里，我相信这场相遇，必定是冥冥中的注定。
所有的语言都曾在前尘里诉尽，今生今世，只需要相视一笑，便可告慰彼此渴慕的心灵。
我相信，你是我今生的爱人。
你的出现，仿佛黎明前到来的启明，将爱的光芒在顷刻间笼罩我的魂灵。
所有的情意都将在此生里倾注，今生今世，纵然是咫尺天涯，我都将把你铭刻在心。
溺水三千，而你是我唯一的心泉！
请相信，我爱你！
从相逢的那天开始，用我今生所有的光阴。
也许无情的时间会侵蚀你的容颜，也许人世的污浊会侵蚀你的心灵，可我会爱你，一直到我生命的坝底，在我的心里，你已深藏在我的心里，没有什么能够把你改变！
请相信，我爱你！
时间是我们唯一的敌人。于是我必将离去，直至银河汉水之遥，连时空都无法触及的距离。
请将我藏在你的心灵里吧，就象我把你藏在生命里一样。只有深藏在彼此的灵魂里，我们才能毫发无损，我们的爱情才能永远完美如初。
请让我就这样爱你吧，在所有的恶魔都无法触及的距离，用我一生的光阴来爱你。请你相信，在我的生命里，所有娇艳的花朵都是为你而开放，所有动人的诗歌都是为而你吟唱 。
我是如此的珍惜，珍惜我们今生的相遇!
Saturday, August 09, 2008
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Figure Skating World Championship 2007 Pairs
申雪 赵宏博 好一对配合默契的神雕侠侣,哈哈.......
体育让人疯狂，有时那种感情可以冲出我们的身体，让我们热血沸腾。静下心来想一想，体育犹如爱情，在瞬间爆发，并且像火一样热烈燃烧。当体育的这种魔力集中到某一个人身上时，他就成为异性崇拜的对象，甚至迸发出爱的火光。
体育与爱情结合的例子很多，申雪和赵宏博,姚明和叶莉、高峰和那英、张军和胡妮。他们的爱情源头在体育场，他们爱情的加深也是在体育场。体育场不光是名人的红娘，也是普通人的爱情摇篮。
我大学时，班内有一男生，个子高，皮肤白，每次打篮球，场下必然有不少为之心跳的女生。一个投篮刚入，下面女生就跳起来，眼睛都直了，也不知道是看球还是看人。而他身边的女友则换个不停，因为很多女孩子崇拜他，而他在接纳中始终发现她们并不合适。体育和爱情一样能让人血液沸腾，为之神魂颠倒，以至冲动失去理智。
爱的发生如同百米赛跑的起步，只要瞬间就可完成。而若要维持爱，就需要一个艰难的过程，如同万米赛跑，需要时间和耐力。最终完美的结果就是冲过终点了，但成功者毕竟少数。
当爱情在过程中发生矛盾甚至亮起红灯时，不妨再利用运动来解决危机。我不是鼓励大家都到体育场上去谈恋爱，毕竟爱是缘分，不可强求。但体育毕竟有其不可替代的魅力，比如蹦极，这种惊险运动是加深恋人或夫妻情感的最好办法。两个人抱着一起往下蹦，体验共生死的感觉，以后就不轻言分手了。所以恋人应该多做些体育运动，即便你们的爱情没有发生在体育场，当你们在闲暇时爬爬山，打打球，也能在协作中，建立相互信赖、相互依恋的感情。
同样道理,相爱的俩人在网上玩游戏也可以培养双方的默契,合作精神,双方有着共同的敌人,同仇敌忾,俩人联手将对手杀败，在享受胜利的喜悦之余，感情也会进一步加深吧？就算只有俩人对着玩的时候，一方在有失意的时候，向对方撒娇，嗔骂，打情骂俏也不失为一种乐趣，嘻嘻......
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Saturday, August 02, 2008
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Good Wife Guide
热恋中的男女，都有一股难分难舍的情爱，情投意合的夫妻，也是卿卿我我如胶似漆。人们自然会认为这是一种感情的因素，但是这里也有“两性相吸”的道理。
科学家研究表明，产生男女之间吸引力的物质大多数是一种类似氨基丙苯的化学物质，这些化学物质可以通过两性之间的眼神传递、肌肤触摸等产生，从大脑开始，沿着神经传导进入血液，进而使皮肤潮红、身体发热，甚至出汗、心情激动亢奋，促使热恋中的男女双双坠入“情网”，难以自拔。
科学家们还发现，人体的苯乙胺等化学物质不能永久存在，人们经过恋爱、初婚的激情后，大约在四年左右，苯乙胺等化学物质便开始逐步减少，直至消失。
按理说，这会引起夫妻感情逐渐淡薄，但是，事实上，绝大多数夫妻的感情反而会进一步加深、巩固，这又是什么原因呢？原来由于夫妻长期的共同生活，体内又会产生类似镇静剂的内啡吠的化学物质，它能使夫妻之间互相依赖，甚至不能分离，使爱情更加深化。(同时也有证明，夫妻俩人一起生活得久了，而且非常恩爱！那俩人的相貌也会越来越相像，这就是所谓夫妻相的说法。)
当然，除了上述因素之外，还有很多因素会让女人更吸引男人。
谁说只有美丽、丰满、野性的女人才吸引男人？最耐人寻味的性感新主张也许会给你带来新的认识。
1.温柔
一个感性温柔的女人，无论思考、语调、一举手一投足都更细腻和更具感染力。
2.善于思考
很多人虽其貌不扬，但一旦沉浸在无边的“思海”中，脸上自然会多了一分韵味。那些把眼神抛得远远，嘟着嘴或微微侧着脸、托着腮的表情就更惹人多望一眼喽。
3.率性而为
除非你天生冷艳或清高，否则，敢爱敢恨、敢大哭、敢大笑，对生命充满热情与敏锐的女人，她们本身就是一团惹人的火焰。
4.涵养
若你很宽容，不计较小事情，你的大度是感人的。特别是那些伤害过你的人或者是事情，你都能放得下，那真的是有好涵养。如果你不是揪住丈夫“小尾巴”不放的人，男人会更喜欢你。
5.神秘感
据性心理学研究，男人喜欢的女人，除了发自女性的自信心、懂幽默、爱浪漫、刺激及冒险外，原来还有一些比较虚无抽象的元素，其中神秘感就是另一个性感元素。请记住，不要完全满足对方的好奇心，保留一份神秘感。
6.小动作
在各式身体语言中，不经意的自我触摸正是最教人销魂的小动作。如不经意地咬手指、托腮、不经意把头发潇洒地向后拨，双手轻轻地捧着脸庞、无奈时耸耸肩膀、交叉双手轻抚着肩头或后颈以及把手伸到毛衣内等都是些妩媚的小动作。
7.懂点艺术
懂点书法、美术，会唱歌、玩乐器的人总会流露一份夹杂着性感的感性与温柔，而这份意念其实比性感更诱人。
8.阳光肤色
凝肌胜雪的肤色固然新鲜如树上刚熟的桃子，叫人垂涎，但一身阳光肤色配上合度的身型，何尝不是在散发着一种性感。
9.性感着装
性感着装能充分表现女性之美，是完全可以满足男人视觉需求的。如果你穿条牛仔裤，可以表现不羁与我行我素的形象；而凉鞋及高跟鞋向来就是女性用以张扬腿部性感的武器。
10.香氛
很奇怪，某种程度的体味往往也是构成叫人觉得性感的男人味或女人味。男人的“味觉”也很敏感，若你总是香氛飘飘，一定会撩起别人不尽的幽思。
Kenny G jasmine flower 茉莉花
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
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Grease - You are the one that i want
Clive Owen and Celine Dion (Hostage video)The Power Of Love
Whitney Houston - You are still my man
Let your man BE himself.
Sounds like straight out of grandma's mouth -- old-fashioned, compliant, "un-liberated", not for the 21st Century woman.
But think about it.
If more and more men are saying the qualities they look for most in a woman are "strong, confident and independent", yet the reason many women today are having problems in their relationships is because (they say) men are intimidated by "strong, confident and independent" women, then grandma was onto something.
In fact the more I know, the more I am convinced that we women in "modern" society have this men-women relationship stuff turned upside down, infront backwards.
Let me start by making it clear that I personally don't think that there is anything wrong with being a strong, confident and independent woman with expectations of who your partner should be and the kind of relationship you want. And there is nothing wrong with effectively communicating those expectations to your partner (or man you are attracted to). In fact, you should always communicate your expectations to your partner, outside and inside the bedroom.
But while being a strong, confident and independent woman with expectations is characteristic of a woman who knows herself and knows how to get what she wants, if this comes across as "my way or no way" you risk ruining a potentially great relationship and ending up all on your own -- for the rest of your life.
That's okay, if this is by choice. But if you want to share your life with someone, having unrealistic ideas, ideals, standards and views of how relationships should be, what a man ought to say, how he ought to behave or respond is what's keeping you from what you really want -- a loving lasting relationship.
I know so many single women who want to be in a relationship but are spending so much energy trying to make men into "trained pets" and when the men fail to meet their expectations (stated or hidden) they feel betrayed, frustrated, resentful, angry, depressed, rejected, let down and unloved.
Even when they do something for their men (supposedly out of love), they do it expecting a specific/conditioned response (just like a trained pet). When they don't get the response they expect they verbally beat him down (and even gossip about him to friends, relatives and strangers). They fail to see or acknowledge that a man may be genuinely trying to love them in the only way he knows how.
In my years of work as a coach, I've found that the single unhealthiest expectation most women have is that of: If you really loved me, cared about me, or if I were really important to you, you would...
I've had women say to me, "He hasn't said he loves me" and when I ask if they feel loved by him, they say, "Yes, I know he loves me, but he hasn't said it to me". To which I ask, "How then do you know he loves you?" And they answer "He said/did... for me. He would not say/do... if he did not love me". At which point I feel like screaming, "So what is your problem?"
How can a man feel that he is loved unconditionally if all he has around him are conditions, assumptions, expectations and more high expectations?
If conditions, assumptions, expectations are all he has around him, I say let the poor guy go. Don't keep him around if you don't think he's good enough for you -- just the way he is.
If you're keeping him around just so you can "train him" to what you want him to be, you are setting yourself (and your man) up for pain from the inevitable "let downs" and frustrations. These unfulfilled expectations create tension and conflict in the relationship, lead to anxiety and depression in one or both of you, not to mention end a relationship with great potential.
But if you are looking to create a loving and fulfilling relationship in which each communicates to the other (verbally and non-verbally) that they are aware of the other's idiosyncratic characteristics and imperfections but love and feel loved no matter how the other feels or acts, and no matter what the other says or doesn't say, then please, let your man BE.
And he's probably said to you (a few times), "Let me just be myself" or "Why can't I just say/do things my own way?" or "I am trying in my own way!"
So why can't you accept that your man is his own unique self and not an extension of your imagination? Why can't you appreciate that the two of you were born with a different set of genes and raised in different environments and will say and act differently even in similar situations?
Your man may find it easier to express himself more effectively in a particular manner than another, instead of forcing your style of self-expression on him, acknowledge and encourage the gestures of love he expresses -- his own way.
When you let your man BE, you'll begin to experience feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bonding because there is a sense of mutual understanding and sharing, as well as a genuine liking for the other. You'll both feel more loved, more cared for, more understood, more relaxed, more able to share deepest secrets without any fear of judgement, criticism or rejection, and more playful... laughter will flow easily... sex will be great and more frequent.
You will even be surprised to find that he has "self-improved' because he felt that he needed to and it was the RIGHT thing to do -- for himself, for you and for the relationship.
Letting others BE themselves can be a rich part of the human experience, a deeper way of connecting with people around you and a very powerful way to attract and keep a loving caring confident man -- and even turn a not so confident or shy but loving and caring man into "Hello Mr. Super Confident".
Grandma said it is a powerful love potion -- and for years it's worked for me like magic. Try it for yourself, I know you'll come back for more of my grandma's "voodoo"...
Monday, July 28, 2008
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Thursday, July 24, 2008
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M-Rah - Weißt du noch?!
Zcalacee - Belalim [komplette deutsche Version
Belalim..!
在<围城>里,苏小姐写了一首新诗,方鸿渐说是偷自德国十五六世纪的民歌,原来是这首歌,可惜找不到唱的了.
这是德国最早亦最美的一首爱情诗,发现在中世纪一位修女用拉丁文写给情人的一封信后面,约成于公元后一千二百年,作者不详,因亦列入民歌.原诗是用中古高地德语写的.
Du bist mein,ich bin dein
(Dichter unbekannt)
Du bist mein,ich bin dein:
Du bist verschlossen
in meinem Herzen:
verloren ist das Schluesselein:
du musst fuer immer drinnen sein.
君身属我兮我身属君
(佚名)
君身属我兮我身属君,
此情君应知之深!
我今将君兮
心头锁;
钥匙儿失落兮,
君只得永在我心头存!
而下面是钱老先生的创作:
难道我监禁你？
还是你霸占我？
你闯进我的心，
关上门又扭上锁。
丢了锁上的钥匙，
是我，也许你自己。
从此无法开门，
永远，你关在我心里。
Sunday, July 20, 2008
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Successful Marriage Secrets Revealed
两颗心互相吸引产生了
爱情，人们希望浪漫热烈的爱情能够持久，所以把爱情延续成婚姻，白头到老的婚姻很多，但幸福一生的婚姻又有多少？不幸的婚姻各有其不幸的因素，幸福的婚姻需要三个基本因素：物质生活，精神生活、夫妻生活。
爱情是浪漫的，婚姻是世俗的，美满的婚姻需要基本的物质条件来提供保障。婚姻是实实在在的日常生活，每天起来婚姻中的夫妻必须面对工作生活、柴米油盐，老人孩子，亲戚朋友，凡人都需要食用人间烟火，对社会、对家庭、对老人孩子的责任谁也逃避不了。
一方面有人说贫贱夫妻百事哀，另一方面又有人说富贵人家的夫妻极少数是幸福的。无论贫富、无论什么样的生活水平，无论什么样的婚姻形式都有幸福与不幸的可能。柴米夫妻，小康之家的婚姻幸福程度相对来说还算比较高。理想的婚姻在物质上虽然不见得要很富裕，但至少应该是殷实的，应该是衣食无忧的。
婚姻是爱情的延续。爱情本身就是一种精神生活。最高层次婚姻的精神生活是两颗心互相吸引，两颗灵魂产生共鸣。两个人有着相同或者相似的世界观、人生观、幸福观。对待生活、对待周围的人和事有着共同的看法，两个人有着共同的兴趣和爱好；两个人互相欣赏互相理解，象钱钟书杨绛，何等潇洒何等恩爱！
中等层次的精神生活是互相关心、互相照顾、互相感激。互相照顾是责任，怜惜、疼爱也是一种真挚的爱。所以西方教堂婚礼中牧师致辞“你愿意接纳某某某做你的妻子丈夫，无论贫穷与富裕、不管健康与疾病，愿意终生爱惜他她、安慰他她尊重他她保护他她”婚姻中的夫妻双方即使做不到以上两点，最基本层次的精神生活也需要双方互相尊重、互相包容。古人所谓的相敬如宾，现代人所说的，“握住老婆的手就象左手握右手，但砍掉右手，我也会感觉到痛”大概就是这么一个层次吧。
婚姻久了，爱情淡了，长期生活在一起总难免还有些亲情、友情。世俗的婚姻世俗的凡人肯定会有摩擦，夫妻双方都需要学些相处的艺术，需要互相尊重、用宽厚的心去包容对方的不足。
美满的婚姻当然也离不开和谐夫妻生活。幸福的夫妻都能真心实意、轻松愉快地让对方快乐的同时自己得到快乐。但喜新厌旧是人性的弱点，夫妻生活需要情趣、需要保鲜、需要更新，男女都需要努力保持和延长自己对配偶的吸引力。
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