葡萄架上的牵牛花

• A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
• I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
• I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
• I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
• I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
• I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
• I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
• It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
• Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
• My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
• My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!
• My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
• Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

By Rodney Dangerfield (born 1921 as Jacob Cohen), American comedian and film actor, star of "Caddyshack" and "Natural Born Killers" .

A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?
The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."

The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a
big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with
nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the
doors, a quietly intoxicated customer came in and
ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all
right, he leaned over the counter and replied, Lady, I
came in here to eat, not fly.

这是太棒了!谢谢帮我完成回家作业.

Me too!