It's a rainny day. I actually went out twice this morning. I felt good. Ever since I came back home, I spent most of  my time sitting in front of the computer and sleeping. I am pretty sure that if my parents didn't holler at me and wake me up everyday before breakfast I would have turned into a completely walking corpse. The consequence is that I got sore eyes, neck, shoulders and back plus pimples all over my face.

I often talk with Hogan on line. He does pretty much the same thing everyday at home. He said that once he only stepped downstairs once in two weeks. What did computers and Internet do to us?!

Of course there are fun times on line. It is amazing when I talked with Zhuozi and Hogan through Skype this morning! The sounds are so good and clear that it just sounds like we are talking through telephone! And we could talk as a group even though we are in three different places which are thousands away from each! Forgive me for using so many exclamation marks, I am pretty computer ignorant.

The more I talk and communicate with people on the internet, the less time I spend with people in my real life. Or may be it's not proper to use the word "real life", because my virtual life has become part of my real life. And friends on line could also become friends in real life.

I havn't been blogging on this blog for a long long long time.

Since I have another Chinese blog, I want to turn this blog into my English blog. So I could practice my use of the English language. Please excuse my poor English though:) I will work very hard to improve it, so please be patient with me. I think I will be a life-learner of English. Oh, only thinking about it gives me a headache.

Anyway, I will prove to my Dad that I could still learn new things even when I am 30 or 40. That's what I claimed yesterday on dinner table. My Mom was saying that I didn't know any practical professional knowledge other than a foreigh language. She basically was just saying that I would be useless and couldn't get a decent job. Well, I think she forgot that I am actually not good with this foreigh language that she thinks I know. So, I guess I really don't know anything that could make a living. No wonder she is so worried about my life.

Ok, I think I will have to pick some other things up. Any advices? ( Librarian, hair-dresser, masseuse are not supposed to be considered, for my mom wants me to have a DECENT job. What's wrong with this world?) 

今天是年三十（因为没有年二十九）。一年又过去了。

今年，是我在大学里待的最后一个整整一年。明年，日子不会再像从前，也许很紧张，也许很刺激，也许很无聊，也许很有挫败感，也许很有成就感，也许会遇见什么人，也许会离开什么人，也许会去什么地方，也许会离开什么地方。总之，明年之于我，是一个未知，而且不是一个普通的未知。

2005年，打了耳洞，学会了不规则蛙泳，自己去了一次北京，爬了长城，去了北外，去了两次蓬莱，去青岛考试一次，搬出了学生宿舍，正儿八经考了一次研，见到在外地的朋友十几个，交了几个新朋友，有了自己的博客并乐于三天打鱼两天晒网的写东西外加偷偷在别人的博上乱逛，完全掌握了如何包饺子，剪了刘海，拉直板两次，有了自己的电脑，学会了玩多米诺牌，喜欢上了看韩剧和Rain，学了两句朝鲜语，，，，

感谢天父，带领我，看顾我，在一切事情上。。。

感谢我的朋友小桌子，兵兵，石子，陪我走过2005年最难熬的日子，帮助我，鼓励我。。。。

感谢强，michael，巴黎，辣椒，玲玲，开导我，鼓励我，在我软弱的日子。。。。

感谢小白，小马，一鸣，不时地关心我，给我打电话。。。。

Thank Jackie, Susan, Lori, and Ryan for always encouraging me....

最后是我的父母和家人，为他们永远的关心和牵挂。

上文学课时老是听到disillusioned这个词，知道中文对应的意思是“幻灭”。但还是不知道何谓“幻灭”。今天算是知道了。是一种彻底的失望，欲哭无泪的感觉。以前的时候会说自己是“愤青”，用cynical来形容自己，现在是“愤”都愤不起来了，真的是disillusioned了。想想以前小白批评我写的作文是happy ending, 当时他说“你怎么知道未来一定比现在好？”，现在想，也是，未来是看不见的，也许根本就没有什么未来。因为还活在黑暗之中。真的害怕，有一天，如果真的黑的变成了白的，白的反而变成黑的，那我该怎么办。真的很想现在就在天堂里。

心疼，愤怒，失望。。。。

刚看完“断臂山”，不知道说些什么好。

（想起我们语言学老师在课上引用的一些人的话：现代人文化素质低，表达能力差，看完电影后问他什么感受，啥也说不出来，感动得光哭不说话。）

记得去年夏天看“自梳”，很感动，刘嘉玲和杨采妮所演绎的两个女人的爱情和生活。两个女人，为爱所伤，对男人，对感情失望后，彼此相怜，相恋，相依为命。的确，有时候，女人比男人懂得欣赏女人。同样，有时候，男人也比女人更懂得欣赏男人吧。

然而，同样是同性之爱，“断臂山”却又是不一样的故事。现在不想说什么，也不知道说什么，仅记下这一笔。

FINALLY, MY KAOYAN DAYS ARE OVER!!!!!!!!!

I am back, home, to my normal days, which means that I don't need to stay up cramming all the difficult linguistic terms and political theories....

For three days after the tests I had the same kind of dreams, memerizing political theories, analizing characters in literaray works, doing translating papers....

Last Sunday afternoon 5:10, I walked out of the test room. 5 minutes later I got into the taxi, and I felt so excited about fininshing all the tests, or more correctly, finishing all the preparational days. I texted messages with Lajiao and Qiang on the whole way back school. The moment I stepped out of the taxi, I had such an impulse of laughing. Well, I didn't do that then since the others were not in good moods. But I did that while I went out eating with Xiao Zhuozi and Ryan. I still could remember Ryan's are-you-crazy look, that's hilarious. Anyway, we had a good dinner and fun time that night playing domino and watching "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrob". Very happy. Zhuozi and I stayed up till 2 bearing in mind that we were gonna sleep the whole morning in. Yet I waked up at 6 in the morning while dreaming of memerizing the thoery for "building a harmonious society".

Now I am getting "recovered" from my kaoyan days and having some rest at home. People keep asking me how the test wentd, I don't know what to say. All I want to say is that I am very glad it is over. The tension, stress, tears, joys, pains, nervousness, ambitions, dreams, staying ups...all over now.

My normal days are back:)

等待中。。。

等待着一场重要的考试，等待着一个网页打开，等待着下课，等待着放假，等待着离开。。。

不知道人生中多少时间在等待中度过了。。。

但是万物都有其定时，所以才有等待。

园园和小青的变化我都看在眼里，在这个等待的过程中，才看到了自己的无力和软弱。

才知道就像那首歌所说：Sometimes you can't make it on your own.

所以还在等待中。。。

好累。昨晚一夜无眠。

整理英国文学笔记。发现我有惊人的craming ability。

大脑高度亢奋，怀疑我是在地球之外的宇宙，若不是慧的轻鼾提醒我。

伴着灯光和寂静的夜，听着自己沙沙的写字声，总是有时空变换的感觉，仿佛过了千年，仿佛坐在英国剧院里看皮格马力翁，看萧伯纳出来谢幕。繁华落尽从窗帘缝里往外看，窗外白雪依旧压着青松，黎明已悄然来临，我还是身在烟台。